i miss being loved. i miss getting kissed. i miss getting cuddled. i miss being in love.
dammit. i spent a freaking lot of money today. frm my own pocket. for the first time i spent 200 plus of my own money in a few friggin hrs. someone kill me! i'm getting worse. i bought a pair of levis, a pair of nike dunk and a nike sports bra. tt's the dunk i've been eyeing for smtym bt, i wonder why i actually gt it today. urhs. bought smth for my mum, her bdae's coming. i'm so poor nw! i kept buying and buying and i cant stop! somebody save me!
ahhhhs. bt i dont have enough clothes.
fat! i need to exercise.
| Sunday, January 30, 2005
bought a pair of pointies frm vnc ydae. beginning to wonder if it's abit too small. wonder if i shld change the size. bt i guess i won't. bought some cosmetics too. lols. yes, yes, im getting vain. i totally admit. i still wna get a new skirt. ohh ohh. and i saw the roxy skirt i like yesterday bt thr isnt any size too. i have enuf tops, bt i dont have bottoms. plus, i dont need to get so many new clothes luhhs. i won't be visiting.
going shopping agn tmr with priss b4 she goes to work. hopefully i can get a new skirt. might carry on shopping alone after tt. it might be the last day for me to go shopping until new yr. gt to help out at the shop as one of the helper is gna stop working on the first of feb.
ohhh. i bump into jeremey. am happy to see him. havent seen him for such a long time and he's nt bad looking nw. he's one of my close pri sch friend when i was in lower pri. he stays near my plc too. and because i bump into him, i'm in contact with barron agn. havent rrly chat with barron tho.
it's a good day today. =) everyone's happy. i like this.
| Saturday, January 29, 2005
i miss uuu. u're still the one i think of when it comes to relationships, or love.
i miss the times in sch.
im alrdy beginning to hate my hair color. i look quite lian man. sickening. whatever luhhhs. i'm nt in a good mood agn. and i guess whoever's gna try to irritate me nw will get it. my freaking headache isnt helping any either.
| Friday, January 28, 2005
cut, did treatment and highlighted my hair today. it wasn't planned at all. went to the Js salon at goodwood park hotel with my sis. she highlighted and dyed her hair red. she's like a super regular customer luhhs. tt plc was the one which i did my hair spa as my bdae present last yr. may, who's my sis's hairstylist still rmbs nel. we were talking abt smth and then she told my sis, "aiyah, ur sis don't have to get bf what." and my sis told her tt we're over. i was pretty surprised tt she still remember him going with us last yr.
mummy nagged alittle when i went hm but my dad didnt say anyth. he wasnt even unhappy or what. i was pleasantly surprised. hee.
im having a bad headache nw and im nt in a good mood.
| Thursday, January 27, 2005
ecp agn today!! i havent been thr for a long time alright. i had a good workout today. kinda burnt. i had fun. made new friends. albert, eric, bth are old, and alan, whose the guy tt tried to get my no. the other time. they're all friendly, bt in a way, alan and albert kinda freak me out. anyway, they're all great skaterrs luhhhs. im jealous. i wna learn!!!
shall end it with this. quoted frm albert. ' all guys are bastards!'
| Wednesday, January 26, 2005
been thinking the whole day if i shld talk abt it here.
met priss for lunch at bishan.
i think i saw uu today. i was shocked and scared. i didnt even dare to steal a glance once mre. uu dont look happy. u look glum, angry, or unhappy. i'm nt sure. before this, i thought, if i were to see uu on the streets someday, u wld be all smiles, bt, why isnt tt the case? why dont u look happy today? nt too sure if uu saw me.
if anyone's gna ask me to describe in words hw i felt then, i wont knw hw. for one. im glad i didnt actually stop and stare. because, if i hadnt, u wld have thought tt i didnt see uu. and u might nt even see me too. tho i said, im moving on, im nt ready to see u still. i called priss when i was on the escalator. i whined. silly. i told my mum abt bumping into him. i actually hugged her, whined and whined till i cried. can anyone believe hw silly i am? damn. someone shld slap me. talked to my mum alot today. mre revelations.
i guess this is the first test i'm put to and i'm glad tt its over.
same things always seem to happen.
maybe i shld'nt post all these here because once agn i feel dumb.
| Saturday, January 22, 2005
i havent felt this way for sometime and i dammit shldnt be like this.
my heart dropped. like twice.
first, i knew i shldnt even have the thought tt went zoom across my mind, tt u called when i saw an unknown missed call on my mobile. because there's absolutely no reason you wld. and you wont. however, it's too familiar to ignore tt idea. just too familiar. and i still have no idea who called.
second. i've expected tt to happen. somehow. might be god's will to change everyth b/w us. to change bth our lives, and maybe even to remove the memories tt we've created together. ok, maybe nt remove, bt let them be "further" away frm us. perhaps, make us aqquaintances.
i think all these might be better. treat everyth like a dream.
actually, most things tt i expect, do happen.
its not only these, tt contributed to me feeling like this.
well, well, i'll always be fine. alone.
| Friday, January 21, 2005
i can't make you love me.
Turn down the light
turn down the bed
turn down these voices inside my head
lay down with me
tell me no lies
just hold me close
don´t patronize
don´t patronize me
´Cause I can´t make you love me if you don´t
you can´t make your heart feel something it won´t
here in the dark, these final hours
I will lay down my heart
and I'll feel the power
but you won´t
no you won´t
cuz I can´t make you love me
if you don´t
I´ll close my eyes then I won´t see
the love you do not feel when you´re holding me
mornin´will come and I´ll do what´s right
just give me till then, to give up this fight
and I will give up this fight
And I can´t make you love me if you don´t
you can´t make your heart feel something it won´t
and here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
and I'll feel the power
but you won´t, no you won´t
and I can´t make you love me
if you don´t
Ain't no use in you trying
it's no good for me baby,without love
All my tears,all these years
everything I've believed in
Baby (ahh yeah)
Someone's gonna love me
heard this song on american idol. sounds nice. sang by this country girl. she's good. and sweet looking too. =)
a simple day agn. i have nth to talk abt.
| Thursday, January 20, 2005
the chendol was good. hahas. i ate sooooooooo much today. sushi buffet for lunch. had pasta for dinner. and yea. chendol for supper. lols. im getting so fat!!! even my mummy says im getting fatter. this is rrly bad. im gaining back all the weight tt i've lost during tt period when my sis gt married. i need to lose the fats man! i need to start working off the fats. bt i've been a rrly lazy pig. come on. i have to do smth.
wanted to buy my roxy skirt and its gone!!!! im so arggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh. it always happen to me. and priss say. good. save up the money. you dont actually need it too. haha. makes sense. bt. i gt myself a red nike tee. its simple luhhs.
ohh. watched shall we dance too. nt bad a show.
nights.
| Wednesday, January 19, 2005
am having headache agn. had it last night too. sickly? yea. i think so.
i think i rrly rrly want to get tt roxy skirt!! darn. shall go get it soon. guess its okay to get expensive stuff once in awhile huh. yah. im in the mood to spurlge! spurlge! and spurlge! *screeeammmmms. any kind souls out thr who wld love to donate to "tina's retail therapy fund". anyway, most ppl whom i knw are working. =)
shit. im crappy.
many stuff to read on cleo and 17. some are pretty interesting.
i wna go suntanning tmr in the morning.
im slpy.
|
been thinking of going suntanning.
aint feeling well agn.
ure the first thing on my mind when i woke up this morning. it still hurts. esp after discovering smth agn last night. this always seem to happen huh. sometimes, ure still the first one i think of when i wake up, and the last thing tt came to my mind when i slp. which is rrly silly.
was surprise tt i was actually able to get well enough yesterday to met serina. we went shopping. am in love with this roxy skirt tt costs 75 bucks. shall think abt it. havent try it on tho. hmmm. maybe it wont look nice on me. alright. then after all the shopping, we went nydc to wait for the rest. audrey and priss cldnt come in the end. wendy and ben came bt wendy left after awhile. soon after, we went to look for priss. and she was so cute tt she asked me if i want a scandal, if i wna have a fling with this guy. tt's because this guy says he's ready anytime. hahahahhas. crappy. serina left. me and ben were supposed to be on our way back. when i decided tt i wna go back to heeren to check on tt pair of shoes tt i saw when i was with serina. however, finally decided nt to get them. then we bump into rai and yuan. huggs!! havent seen u guys in awhile too. yuan's rrly getting prettier. hahas. alright. went hm after tt.
it's always just me.
lalalalalalalalallalalalalalaa
| Monday, January 17, 2005
am sick. was thinking if i shld come online.
having flu. cough. headache. and chestache. i feel faint and feel like puking too.
gna slp soon. i think if i havent gone to the shop in the afternoon, after rotting for sometime, i wld have been in bed for rest of the day. i wasnt tt bad in the afternoon tts why.
finally bought the panadol activefast. only he will get what i mean. i took two after my bath and kept two in my coin pounch. in a way, i wonder why i bought it.
cny's in abt three weeks time. rake up sm memories. and yea. ure right. i miss them. i guess tt's the only major festive tt we've experienced together before. ure the only one i met during cny 'cept my family. this yr's gt be a norm.
nights everyone.
|
the match last night was good. well done s'pore. and lionel lewis. think he's good.
what a dream!!! god. just as i thought tt i was getting much better last night, i dream of him agn. smthing seems to be haunting me huh. bt well. im rrly so much better. im realising everyth. things gt thru my head. ayes. diff to explain. urhs. just gt to say tt yes, i totally agree, and know tt this is the best solution.
all my friends, including bei is happy for me. bt it's also with their help. and my family's.
im glad i have the courage to completely break away frm everyth. im glad i took 'the step'.
tho i still miss uu. im moving on.
-without uu.
just like uu.
| Sunday, January 16, 2005
my legs are aching!!!! ahhhhhh. thank god my nice maid is massaging it for me! hee. been standing almost the whole day man. plus, i didnt have a goodnight slp last night. its horrid. im tired. i havent read the papers. i wna read my mag. i wna read my bk. darn.
i shall slp in tmr. i need to slp!!
oh yah. today's earning is just 100 bucks less than yesterday, which is real good. moreover, theirs only my parents and me looking after the shop today.
tts it.
nights.
| Saturday, January 15, 2005
im pretty tired. the shop was so crowded the whole day. we earned quite abit today. hee. and i've gt the highest sales. tts 327 bucks! *grins. the highest for me so far. am happy with myself. mummy just gave me my pay. anyway, i just wna say, i love my job. i have little pay bt im happy. and also, i have very good relationship with my parents now. i love 'em!!!!!!!!!!!
=) well. tts all for now.
gna be another busy day tomorrow.
i guess what my friends said to me last time were true.
| Friday, January 14, 2005
finally decided tt i shant go for the orientation tmr. have my own reasons for doing so. anyway, thr isnt much purpose to go back too. i've visited the teachers alrdy.
you used to be a need, and then, i guess, you became a want.
| Wednesday, January 12, 2005
darn. am having the flu agn. unwell. and i think if im gna fall ill, im gna fall real ill. seriously ill and i mean it. hahs. so i better nt push my health. new yr is coming. and i need to help out at the shop too.
think i better slp early tonight, and guess i wont go to the shop early tmr. shall make my own lunch.
my maid's been mentioning him.
i took another top today. =)
been watching amazing race and i seriously, seriously cant stand tt mcp, tt ass, anymre. he pushes his wife, victoria ard. he sucks. this is what u mean by the husband nt appreciating the wife, nt taking care, and abusing, using his language tt is. im sure she'll suffer frm low self esteem being with such a horrid ass.
bt it's so sweet to see sm guys showing simple gestures. like taking the hand of their partner before reaching their destination. hugging and saying that they love them despite all the arguments. its sweet, makes me feel good. i think the engaged models are nice.
im tired.
|
had a nightmare last night. think i shldnt use 'a'. was drifting in and out of slp, broken nightmare. ?? hahs. dream tt i did badly for Os. damn. it sure sucks to have this kind of nightmare. serious!!
went blading just nw. it was okay. nth much to say for nw.
ciaos!
| Tuesday, January 11, 2005
was trying to arrange my folders when i came across sm conversations tt i had with him last time. read them slowly, and teared agn. reminising. i remember so clearly hw i felt at tt time when i was talking to him. thr was originally a folder named nel's bdae 18.06.04. i've changed tt folder to the past and shifted all our photos in my different folders over thr. i wasnt intending to look at anyth to remind myself, i just came across them.
tt richard tt used to be frm our sch msged me on friendster asking me abt hw me and nel are doing. was surprised tt he knew abt us, he even told me he was his neighbour. and well, in the reply, i didnt tell him tt we broke up. i just asked him hw he knew abt us and all luhhs. will tell him tt if he replies. think its better to make things clear huh. tho it doesnt rrly matter to me who knws and who doesnt.
went shopping alone today before meeting priss for dinner. her dinner tt is. i didnt eat. nt hungry. gi met us too. walked ard for awhile and went hm. was planning to get a pair of shorts frm roxy/ripcurl. or even tees. any nice ones will do. am still thinking if i shld as it seems like im spending quite abit of money these days. anyway, havent found one tt i rrly like. feel like getting a brown bikini too. =)
finished and returned the bk today. it has gt a romantic ending. real sweet. if tt were to happen to me in future, think i'll love my husband to the core man. shall start on the next bk ltr after im done with uu.
im slowly moving away. tho im still vulnerable. at least im learning and courageous enough to break away frm everyth nw. im taking my time. because im sure of where im heading to this time round, and am sure tt what i have on my mind is right.
| Monday, January 10, 2005
1550.
just some reflections.
am reading The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks. im nt trying to promote the book or whatsoever. It's just tt this book, i should say, trigger many thoughts. It makes me think, makes me reflect. tho mostly abt love, relationships and smth tt's still unfamiliar, like a stranger, marriage. Not tt i'm good or knw alot abt love or relationships bt i guess, mre than what i knw abt marriages. Afterall, i've been in a relationship before.
What exactly is marriage? A commitment due to vows made on tt special day when a couple had been announced husband and wife, when the couple promised to take care of each other in times of good and bad? Do married couples continue to stay together just because of commitment, of responsibility to their wives/husbands, to their families, or because of that simple word tt first brought them together, love? If its the latter, then its awesome. however, if otherwise, isnt tt so sad? Yes, it's a great deal to maintain, to be in a relationship with tt particular partner for ages, bt, if he/she is 'the one' shldnt it be as easy as it is to fall in love with him/her at first?
the main character touches my heart. his daughter is abt to marry, and his wife is thinking abt leaving him. instead of doing nth abt it, he vows to find a way to make his wife fall in love with him all over agn. it isnt the usual style of spark's writing, it isnt him telling a story. it's mre of thoughts. the small actions, the thoughts are touching.
i havent finished tho. just wna pen down somethings.
wrote this in the shop.
1600
a letter extracted frm the bk.
my darling,
its late at night, and as i sit at my desk, the house is silent x'cept for the ticking of the grandfather clock. u're aslp upstairs, and tho i long for the warmth of ur body against my own, smth compels me to write this letter, even tho i'm nt exactly sure where to begin. nor, i realise, do i knw exactly what to say, bt i can escape the conclusion tt after all these yrs, it's smth i must do, nt only for uu, bt for myself as well. after 30yrs, it's the least i can do.
has it rrly been tt long. tho i knw it has, the very thought is amazing to me. someths, after all, have nvr changed. in the mornings, for instance, my first thoughts after waking are-and always have been-of uu. often, i'll simply lie on my side and watch uu, i see u hair spread across the pillow, one arm above ur head, the gentle rise and fall of ur chest. sometimes when u're dreaming. i'll move closer to uu in the hope tt smhw this will allow me to enter ur dreams. tt, after all, is hw i've always felt abt uu. throughout our marriage, u've been my dream, and i'll nvr forget hw lucky i've felt ever since the first day we walked together in the rain.
i often think back on tt day. it's an image tt has nvr left me, and i find myself experiencing a sense of deja vu whenever lightning streaks across the sky. in those moments, it seems as if we're startinf once mre, and i can feel the hammering of my young man's heart a man who'd suddenly glimpsed his future and cldnt imagine a life without u.
i experience this same sensation with nearly every memory i can summon. if i think of x'mas, i see u sitting beneath the summer nights, i feel the press of ur hand against my own as we walked beneath the stars. even at work, i frequently find myself glancing at the clock and wondering what ure doing at tt exact moment. simple things-i might imaging a smudge of dirt on ur cheek as u work in the garden, or hw u look while u visit the phone. i guess what i'm trying to say is tt u are thr, in everyth i am, in everyth i've ever done, and looking back, i knw tt i shld have told u hw much u've always meant to me.
i'm srry for tt, just as i'm srry for all the ways i've let u down. i wish i cld undo the past, bt we bth knw tt's impossible. yet i've come to believe while the past is unchangeable, our perceptions of it are malleable, and this is where the album comes in.
in it, u'll find many, many photographs. sm are copies frm our own, bt most are nt. instead, i asked our friends and family for any photographs they had of the two of us. and over the past yr, the photographs were sent to me frm across the country. u'll find a photo kate took at leslie's christening, still another frm a company picnic a quarter of a century ago, taken by joshua tundle. noah contributed a pictute of the two of us tt he'd taken on a rainy thanksgiving while u were pregnant with joseph, and if u look closely, it's possible to see the place where i first realise tt i'd fallen in love with uu. anna, leslie and joseph each contributed pictures as well.
as each photograph came in, i tried to recall the moment in which it was taken. at first, my memory was like the snapshot itself-brieft, self-contained image-bt i found tt if i closed my eyes and concentrated, time wld begin to roll backward. and in each instance, i remebered what i'd been thinking.
this, then, is the other part of the album. on the page opposite each picture, i've written what i remeber abt those memories or, mre specifically, what i remember abt uu.
i call this album" the things i should have said."
i once made a vow to u on the steps outside the courths, and as ur husband of thirty yrs, it's time i finally made another: frm this pt on, i will become the man i always shld have been. i'll become a mre romantic husband, and make the most of the yrs we have left together. and in each precious moment, my hope is tt i'll do or say smth tt lets uu knw tt i cld never have cherished another as much as i've always cherished uu.
with all my love,
wilson.
-moved.
|
hi. im here agn.
darn. my memory is falling on me. was supposed to update on my dream. or nightmare. i dont knw. which ever ways u wld like to catagorise this.
quite vague tho.
smone i ended up in his church. with fifi and priss. and i was sitting in the front row. and he and his cg is sitting sm rows behind. then i think the cgl started talking, i guess its abt the tsunami thing. then he asked for someone to lead in the prayer and apparently after much consideration, he gt him. fifi and priss stared at me. so ya. prayer session. soon after. the cgl introduced us and said we needed to join a cg and yes, what ure thinking is right, we ended up in the same cg as him. and, we ought to have an orientation prg. however, throughout the church event, i didnt look at him at all. i was trying. this i remember clearly. so he didnt rrly appear.
then i dont knw hw, the happen to be shops nearby or smth, i was trying on sm clothes in the fitting room when my friends(rai and yuan appeared) started shouting for me to come out. i knw its because of him walking past the shop so i didnt. bt, the fitting rm happened to have a window so i peeped through the window and i saw him laughing and joking with his friends. tt's the first time im able to see him clearly in my dreams.
oh. it's just a weird dream. hah. i dont think it means anyth, does it? bahs.
tatassssssssssssssss*
|
well, yesterday was a busy day had lunch only at 2.30. it was a good day tho. helping out at the shop always improve my relationship with my parents better. my dad and mum have been in really good mood these days. and i like tt. nt tt i'll benefit in any ways, its just seeing them happy. =))
its gna be the same today. x'cept tt i came back frm my run tt has been procrastinated time and time. shall go for a swim in the evening agn. it always feel good. need to get my fitness back on track. been snacking and munching and snacking and munching. i dont want to be a fat lady. esp when the new yr's approaching. hahas.
i wna continue to shop.
jill. u're rrly fortunate. i knw u knw u are. nw im envious, like what i told uu. and dont be confuse, you do knw what you want.
I can't put my fingers on
Just what it is that
Makes me love you, you baby
So don't ask me to describe
I get all choked up inside
Just thinkin bout the way
| Sunday, January 09, 2005
thoughts marshall through my mind. right nw. at this moment.
i cant control my tears.
s'pore is such a beautiful plc. a great plc. i feel so lucky to be here. the ppl here are so compassionate, so lovely, the gov is so supportive and so helpful, we're a developing country. tall buildings, well constructed roads and so on. we do nt have any natural disasters. no volcanoes or what so ever. yea, we're just a small dot on the big world map, bt, who cares when we have a big heart?
so many things bt i dont knw what to say.
take the recent natural catastrophe, tsunami for example, so much help were given. and still giving. the world is a great plc i shld say. also, ppl have their loved ones leaving them, they are seperated by death. so what's the pain im feeling, with me and him breaking up? im lucky. really. i feel consoled. i have all my loved ones with me. they'll all ard. its awesome. i mean they're all alive, safe and well, tts all tt i ask for. they dont have to be with me. and one thing i think tts lucky abt some ppl featured in ren ci, they have their loved ones with them. some, their faithful, devoted and ever-there husbands are by their side, to take care of them, giving them support and all. they do nt mind the hardship, the kind of lifestyle they have to lead, and stayed with them because of love. tts the greatest.
watching the news of the tsunami, always make me tear. and of cos, the tsunami memorial service featured on tv.
actually i've been praying every night for them too. i hope for the best for them. bless them.
my family was actually planning to go on a holiday, bt well, we cancelled it. because there's too much grieving.
alright. ciaos. need to go bath.
| Saturday, January 08, 2005
gt to slp early. soon. gna be another busy day tmr.
crappy. i dont like the way im feeling nw.
|
love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.
i'll die without my com. it broke dwn yesterday.
watched the singapore and indonesia. good tt we're leading in the first leg. =)
yesterday was a busy day. went to get goods with my dad. picked sm of them. went back to the shop. there were many customers. took a new top. hee. its like a blouse. look mature bt well, who cares. ehs. overall. it was just a busy day. good day. and tiring too.
today. helped as usual. went to fifi's hs in the afternoon to celebrate kong's bdae. played like 2-3 rounds of mahjiong. ate. talked. watched dirty dancing2. i watched tt b4. its a nice show. went back to the shop. nth much.
one pleasure with helping out at the shop-i get to try on many clothes. u wont knw when u can get smth u like. =) oh yah. sometimes, when u meet rrly nice ppl, they'll make ur day. and i like it when i get rrly busy, i wont have anyth else on my mind then. because it still sucks.
oh yah. talked to my maid just nw as she was helping me rub my leg. showed her rai and sham's photo. and i came across nel's so i asked her if she remembers him. and she said. yah lah. nelson ya? then i went, yea. then i dont knw hw. we started talking abt him. and i told her tt we're no longer tgr. and tt was in nov. then she was pretty shock, and went, why?! i was like ayes. crapping away i shld say. bt she consoled me luhhs. asked me if my heart still aches, telling me tt its okay. nvm, so on. hahas. my maid's nice btw. wasnt gd when i talked. she was looking at me the whole time. i guess she knows. overall. we talked alot.
i've been alone these days. other than helping my family. anyway, alone inside. i start kping everyth inside all over agn. im think i sorta like it this way. no questions asked. things are able to be left unsaid. thoughts kept to myself.
oh. i miss blading at ecp.
-missingaletdown.
| Thursday, January 06, 2005
day didnt start off well, bt overall, it was pretty alright.
mt priss and went town. had a bad lunch at the foodcourt. went to the library to collect 2 bks tt i've reserved. mt gi. shopped ard. ate at nydc agn. crapped ard. sm were darn funny. hahs. walked all the way to fareast. gi wanted to get black studs. i gt a pair of small black hoops. went hm. nth else luhhs.
ohh. i just remembered i went for a swim too. ard 6 plus and i gt back ard 7. it was quite good.
shit. shld have tried a bigger size of tt shirt. nw i feel like getting tt. try it sm other time. i still wna shop man.
i love my parents. =) bless them. bless everyone. esp ppl whom i love.
|
darn. i dream of "them". it sucks. even in the dream it hurts so much. i felt my heart aching so badly. i thought i wasnt thinking. hmm. maybe like what sm ppl say, what u dream, is what u
re tthinking subconsiously. maybe. bt my pt here is, why let me dream of "them". i dont like this hate all. im beginning to hate all of these. im sick of them.
hopefully i'll have a good day ahead. u too.
just mentioning ur name, just seeing ur name, makes my heart ache.
| Wednesday, January 05, 2005
today's a rather relax day. woke up at 11plus, went to the shop. had lunch. went to the library. spent an hr or so thr looking at art bks. nice. wanted to collect 2 bks tt i've reserved bt i forgot tt the reservation tt i've made was at orchard. hahas. blur ehs? so yea. went back to the shop to put my bks and headed to my bro's condo for a swim.
nth much. shall bring my swimming stuff everyday. had a good swim. =))
im slowly getting used to being lonely. its rrly ok.
| Tuesday, January 04, 2005
am wearing tt tee he gave me. rmb it was when i needed a change of clothes at his plc. he has got the same one. i wanted to get the one with the bigger size, bt he stopped me. saying i shldnt wear too big a size. kept doing tt. and well, of cos i listened. =)
nice.
|
been having headache and nw i get the flug bug. anyway. if im fine tmr. might go for a swim. havent dont tt for a long time.
went out today. wasnt actually a very good day, because my mood wasnt too gd. hmm. went back to sch. priss wanted to pass mrs ong smth. talked to sm teachers. like ms ng. she's so cute today. even said tt she misses us. oh btw. she sends her regards to all! ate in the sch canteen, jill and mary came dwn and join us, during their recess. havent seen jill for a long time. was happy to see her. =) hmm. anyway, going back to sch brought back so much memories. it feels like i can see him, and his clique, thr. right thr. sm ppl will knw what i mean. maybe tts why i gt affected. and last night. discovered smths and started thinking. went to raffles city to look for yuan. bumped into sidd. was happy to see him. hah. he's handsome. watched Meet The Fockers in town. yea. its quite funny. tho i didnt laugh much. i wasnt in tt mood. well, it rrly was funny. its pretty sex oriented. i guess. walked to zara and then went hm.
i think he's working.
i feel lousy. btw. did i mention tt i've been eating alot? seriously. so much. i think im pmsing.
| Monday, January 03, 2005
thr were so much things on my mind just nw.
im still very vulnerable. i get teary, and emotional easily. kinda crappy. yea.
sometimes i just dont understand why ppl like to make empty promises to me. why is tt so?? am i so gullible, and easily deceived. do i listen to any cock and bull story? do i just submit to anyone? if ure talking abt me being submissive, then its only to certain ppl. bt when im firm, i am. at least tts what i believe. i do not like it at all. empty promises. broken promises. or telling me things tt they do nt rrly mean, just to make me feel better. i hate all this. if they have no intention of making those promises, do nt mean whatever things tt they're gna say, then whats the pt of saying anyth at all? afterall. a promise, isnt just saying smth, it isnt as easy, as simple as tt. think abt hw the other party wld feel. in all circumstances.
-i hate deception.
| Sunday, January 02, 2005
am watching the repeat telecast of the match. sin vs mya.
yes yes. i did say tt im gna blog yesterday bt i didnt. had been quite busy with helping my parents at the shop. i slept barely 4 hrs before i woke up. and headed out with the girls. went to the shop. helped out till night and i came hm. with a slight fever. did i mention tt i had sore throat on new yr's eve? and im still having tt sore throat. hopefully tt very bad one doesnt follow. bahs. if nt im seriously dead. woke up. and the fever was still thr. bt i had to go the shop as promised. took panadol extra thr. and yea. fever's gone. was pretty busy the whole day. once. when i was on my way back frm buying smths, this grp of ah bengs talked to me. and i swear, tt was crappy. ehs. bt i just ignored and carried on walking. talked to bei alot just nw. talked abt him too. bei asked me if i managed to pass him the x'mas present. yada yada. had kfc for dinner. tts why i said i hope tt very bad one wont follow. get what i mean? and yea. gna help out tmr too. been real good huh.
new yr resolutions for me.
-guess its rrly time for getting over and moving on. bt, naturally.
-treating ppl ard me better and sharing more love
-control my temper and frustrations at times
-working out mre often and getting a better bod [grins]
-really work hard if i can enter a jc
-finding out what i rrly want in life
i cant think of anyth of head anymre
think i havent actually talk much abt my new yr's eve party. shall talk abit mre abt it.
mt priss for breakfast. finally fifi came. went to the market to get stuff. deposited them at my parent's shop. headed to bishan to get presents for the gift exchange. slacked at coffee bean for awhile. we took a cab hm frm yck. rested for a short while before me and fifi started preparing the fd. i cooked the prawned fritters. and some of the chicken wings. i marinated them alright. hee. lucky it taste ok. fifi made salad. thr were lots of food. friends started arriving. all was gd tt day. as i said. talked alot. laughed alot. played cards. played truth or dare. went to the park. set of 4 rounds of "cracking". each took turns to say smth. once. we set of a "crack" tgr and tt was so cool and so nice.
it was good spending the last day of 2004 tgr. so much warmth. so touching. =))
alright i gtg.
s'pore is leading. aggregate 7-5. good job guys.
oh btw. all the best to ppl going for the 3mths course!!! have fun during the orientation. i miss sch!!! i wna go back too. how i wish.
|
am watching the repeat telecast of the match. sin vs mya.
yes yes. i did say tt im gna blog yesterday bt i didnt. had been quite busy with helping my parents at the shop. i slept barely 4 hrs before i woke up. and headed out with the girls. went to the shop. helped out till night and i came hm. with a slight fever. did i mention tt i had sore throat on new yr's eve? and im still having tt sore throat. hopefully tt very bad one doesnt follow. bahs. if nt im seriously dead. woke up. and the fever was still thr. bt i had to go the shop as promised. took panadol extra thr. and yea. fever's gone. was pretty busy the whole day. once. when i was on my way back frm buying smths, this grp of ah bengs talked to me. and i swear, tt was crappy. ehs. bt i just ignored and carried on walking. had kfc for dinner. tts why i say i hope tt very bad one wont follow. get what i mean? and yea. gna help out tmr too. been real good huh.
new yr resolutions for me.
-guess its rrly time for getting over and moving on. bt, naturally.
-treating ppl ard me better and sharing more love
-control my temper and frustrations at times
-working out mre often and getting a better bod [grins]
-really work hard if i can enter a jc
-finding out what i rrly want in life
i cant think of anyth of head anymre
think i havent actually talk much abt my new yr's eve party. shall talk abit mre abt it.
mt priss for breakfast. finally fifi came. went to the market to get stuff. deposited them at my parent's shop. headed to bishan to get presents for the gift exchange. slacked at coffee bean for awhile. we took a cab hm frm yck. rested for a short while before me and fifi started preparing the fd. i cooked the prawned fritters. and some of the chicken wings. i marinated them alright. hee. lucky it taste ok. fifi made salad. thr were lots of food. friends started arriving. all was gd tt day. as i said. talked alot. laughed alot. played cards. played truth or dare. went to the park. set of 4 rounds of "cracking". each took turns to say smth. once. we set of a "crack" tgr and tt was so cool and so nice.
it was good spending the last day of 2004 tgr. so much warmth. so touching. =))
alright i gtg.
s'pore is leading. aggregate 7-5. good job guys.
oh btw. all the best to ppl going for the 3mths course!!! have fun during the orientation. i miss sch!!! i wna go back too. how i wish.
| Saturday, January 01, 2005
yes yes. im here agn. hah.
i hate the way im feeling nw. heartaches. loneliness. anxiety. lost. everyth.
i feel so lonely despite the fact tt my friends are still here. ahhhhh. im going crazy. i wanna cry my eyes out. bt i cant. why is it always me who's left doing all these? i feel so silly. sooo sooo dumb.
im miss u like crazy!!!!!
freak.
|
shall make my new yr resolutions tmr. will go chat with the 3 girls left here. tif. kong. yuan.
ciaos.
|
first and foremost. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! best wishes ppl. may all ur dreams come true the year ahead. bless u all!
many things on my mind. esp right nw. at this moment. i cant stop thinking of uu. and uu only. im such a failure. one promise tt i always break. one promise tt i can nvr fufil. is to stop talking abt uu. everyth concerns uu. everyday i'll talk abt uu. everyday i'll think abt uu. so many things. the memories of the bth of us. all the wonderful things. it seems like i've repeated many times. many many times. because they are too good that its insufficient to mention once only. its been nearly 3yrs of love. a few months of crush. man. nvr expected i cld do this. its an achievement. i miss uu sooo much. just too much. i wna hear u say those sweet nothings to me. i want you to hold my hand agn. to hug me like u nvr want to let me go. to kiss me tenderly and passionately agn. to rot with uu at ur hs. to watch tv or even better, watch u cook for me. i want all these. its nt tt im nt happy with my friends. i am happy. bt its different. nw its impossible. we can nvr be together agn. and yea. this is the best and only way out. tt we bth go our own way. i just cant bear to let everyth go. this time, i rrly have to. rrly rrly have to learn how to. i tried once, twice and nw. the last last time. to get over. and rrly to move on. i no longer want to be stuck in the same place agn. just like the other time. sometimes priss will ask me. tina. do u hope this. do u hope tt. so on and so forth. i said no. bt smhw. it feels like im secretly hoping. secretly thinking.
my sec life is wonderful. so great. so beautiful. tts also because yoo played a huge part of it. yoo're a very impt character. i dont regret coming to this sch. dont regret not transfering because of ur presence. even just looking at you frm afar. i smile when u smile. i go gaga smtimes i guess. u've made me crazy in love with uu. u've made me smile like no one did. u've made me laugh like i've nvr laughed before. u've made me the best spagetti in the world. =)) u've made my life great.
damn. there are so many things i wna say. i wna just go on and on.
nw tt the yr has ended. i guess its time for everyth to end. i've told gi before. our life's had been revolving ard uu, tts for me, and her, leang. maybe our fate ends here. maybe its time to close everyth. have an ending to bth stories. tho both didnt end well. they werent a cinderalla story. bt yea.
im just glad. like tt song. thank god i found uu. and thank god i've had uu. i've loved u so deeply. the first. and nw. still. only one.
all the best to uu in the following uu. enjoy urself. may all great things go ur way. bless uu.
i wonder if u'll even read this.
i hate farewells. any type of farewells. rrly. i feel real bad. like just nw when i had to send my friends out. saying goodbye and all. everyone will talk abt kping in contact and all. bt do we rrly do tt? bahs. its so saddening ehs.
guess we all had a good time. the indian poker played with food, was total madness. hardcore. lots of funny things. i like the process alot. all the shopping. the cooking and all. tho it was tiring at the end of the day.
i love my family.
i love my friends. every single one of them. i'll miss everyone of uu!!!
i love....
*kisses to all.
oh yah. last bt nt least. bless those tsunami casualties. pray for them.
- tina/teena =)
- sexy seventeen
- 280688
- angmokionorth pri. anderson pri. naval base secondary. catholic jc.
- singapore!
- tinatoh88@hotmail.com
- i am. a procrastinator. full of crap. quite materialistic. vainpot. noisy. pampered. indecisive.
- Loves. orange. black. turqoise. green(my current fav).
- the sun and the sea! suntanning. rollerblading. netball. badminton. swimming. sports.
- shopping. bikinis! clothes! sleeping. eating. talking. music.
- apples. watermelon. oranges. mango. fruits!
- the sweetest buds ard me! nbss clique and current clique.
- Hates. creepy crawlies. insects. breakingup. disappointment. backstabbers. liars. hypocrites.
gillian
tiffany
jaymie
alicia
alicia(nbss)
jillian
kahyee
benedict
kairenk
kenneth
raihanah
weilin
cornelius
michelle
elena
jeslyn
christopher
aloysius
shunxie
the shots.
ndp/club
racial harmony
hollandv
birthdaypics
random sch pics
credits:
[danhan&]
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